for Kristen, who told me to take the notebook to bed...


Candlelight Observations
by Kel

The park is bathed in candlelight, with more people streaming in by the minute to the impromptu vigil for the tragedy that touched us all this year.

I study her from my position off to the side. The candlelight gently flickering against her features, a sadness, coupled with hope in her eyes. She is surrounded by the sister she has found, the man she has let go,and the family she has grown to love.

I don't think she has ever looked more beautiful.

I noticed the gathering as we passed by the park, and was not surprised to find out who was responsible. It is simply who she is. It is her nature to guide and to help us remember. And to never forget. She has mourned in her own way this year. Losing precious things, but always there to help others. To help me.

This woman is remarkably capable, wonderfully strong, and in certain moments, irresistibly vulnerable. I have never been more grateful to have her in my life.

Her eyes catch mine over our separate flames. She tilts her head in her patented way and a small hint of a smile appears.

Things are changing between us as well. Looks are lasting longer, and I feel compelled to touch her more often, even if just to assure myself that she's still there. I idly wonder what could have happened if we'd stayed secluded away from the rest of the world. If her radiance and jubiliation had continued spilling forth...

I return her gentle smile and nods in acceptance. Her eyes flash to the woman standing beside me. A woman who has made neither of our lives easy recently. Who has said nothing but awful things to her. But her eyes have quickly moved on to my son. The boy that she has helped me fight for. She has led the charge and laid herself on the line for him, and for me. She chooses to reward him with a full out grin.

She looks at me again, and time seems to stand still, as we spend another Christmas Eve in the park. Together, and yet still apart.

But I know she feels it too, standing here with me in the candlelight. The times they are-a changing.

FINIS

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