The CFF's Who Tried to Fight Sexis
(with sincerest apologies to Dr. Seuss)


Every Sexis fan at SoapZone liked Sexis a lot...

But the CFF's, who lived just north of sanity, did NOT!

The CFF's hated Sexis!
The whole Sexis season!
Now, please don't ask why.
No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that their heads weren't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that their leaders weren't bright.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that they were wrong.

But,
Whatever the reason,
Their heads or their leaders
They posted there daily, challenging readers
CPing their thoughts in a silly named post
Snarking on Sexis, the couple with the most.
For they see every Sexis fan on SZ believing
That Sexis is so much more than just breathing

"And they're reading the spoilers!" the CFF's snarl with a sneer!
"Next month is sweeps! They're practically here!"
Then the CFF's growled, their delusions while nervously humming,
"We MUST find a way to keep Sweeps month from coming!"
For, next month, they knew

All the Sexis girls and boys
Would tune in everyday! They'd dance in their joys!
And then! Oh the joys! Oh, the joys! Joys! Joys! Joys!
That's one thing the CFF's hated! The JOYS! JOYS! JOYS! JOYS!

Then the Sexis fans, young and old, would sit down to a post
And they'd post, And they'd post!
And they'd POST! POST! POST! POST!
They would start on Sexis glances and rare Sexis kissing
Which was something the CFF's would like to be missing


And THEN
They'd do something the CFF's liked least of all!
Every Sexis fan on SZ, the tall and the small
Would sign on together, with ISP's humming
They'd start a Live Post, and the fans would come running

They'd post! And they'd post!
AND they'd POST! POST! POST! POST!
And the more the CFF's thought of the Sexis Live Post
The more the CFF's thought, "We're at the end of our rope!"
"It's going on 3 months we've put up this now!"
"We MUST stop sweeps month from coming!
But HOW?"

Then they got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE CFF'S GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!!

"We know just what to do!" the CFF's laughed in their throat
And then conjured up quick, a fake speculation note
And they chuckled, and clucked, "What a great CFF trick!"
"With those 'spoilers' and speculation, We'll end Sexis but quick!"

"All we need is a true spoiler."
The CFF's looked around. But since true spoilers are scare,
There were none to be found. Did that stop the old CFF's?
No! The CFF's simply said, "If we can't find a spoiler,
"We'll invent one instead!" So they called upon Vern,
and Vern's old pal Bauer
And created some spoilers in under an hour.

THEN
They loaded up lies
And some old outdate specs
In a pre-emptive post
And they published the dreck

Then the CFF's said, "This is true!"
And the post weighted down
Trying to deny the Sexis
Patiently waiting in town

All the Sexis posts were silent
Quiet laughs filled the air
As Alexis kept dreaming her dreams without care
When the CFF's came to the first dissenter in there
"We swear this is true!" The old CFF's hissed.
And they posted even more, empty lies with a twist

Then they increased the CP's. Trying to make a mark.
Sexis didn't need to do it, the CFF's were in the dark.
They wavered maybe once, for a montage or two.
Then they turned up their noses at other fans too.
And the SZ little fan groups all hung in tow.
"These 'non S&Cers'", they sneered, "are the first things to go!"

Then they slithered and slunk, in a mood most unpleasant,
Around the whole board, and they bashed our Alexis!
Biscotti! And dinners! The No Name! Coffee Beans!
Puerto Rico! New Year's! Popcorn! And dreams!
And they shouted them down, And declared, very snippy
"Your story is wrong, It's all about Sonny and the chippy!"

Then they wrote to the Soap mags. They tore up Maurice!
They championed Tamara! Called Nancy Lee a beast!
They brushed off the Sexis as quick as a flash.
Why, no actor was safe from that CFF bash.

Then they badmouthed the actors with such joy and glee
"Just LOOK!" snarked the CFF's, "at how wrong you can be!"

And the CFF's grabbed the spotlight, and they started to shove
Forcing their opinions almost with a boxing glove.
And some people questioned, "You're talking about who?"
"Why little Carly-Lou Who, with a mental age of just two"

The CFF's were praising their prodigal daughter
Despite the chemistry issues, that hit like a cold cup of water
Sexis fans stared at them and said, "CFF's, why?
"Why are you fighting the Sexis scenes? WHY?"

But you know, that CFF Vern was so 'smart' and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why my dear Sexis fans," the fake Spoiler King lied,
"S&C are THE STORY, I've got sources inside."
"So, I'm telling you all info you need to hear."
"Sexis is over, it's Mo and Tams year."

He thought his fib fooled the fans. The CFF's patted his head
And they padded their post and they all went to bed.
And when Carly-Lou Who let Zander smooch her up,
They turned a blind eye, a deaf ear, and wouldn't give up.

Then the very last straw
Was a rumor uninspired
The Sonny and Carly reunion, what liars!
Instead all they got was some looks and no fire.

And the one speck of truth
That was left there to grouse
Was a child, on who he would bet the house.

Then
They did the same thing
To the other fanbases

Cutting ties
Telling lies
Not hearing their cases.

It was 1 day to sweeps
With the Sexis a-loomin
With the fans still patient
The CFF's saw their doom in.
Their doom would be in dinners! The pasta! The chatting!
The wine! And the gazing! The smiling! The laughing!

The ratings were up! And Sexis would bump it
The CFF's begged TPTB to dump it.
"Pooh-pooh on the Sexis!" they were snarkily humming.
"They'll see what we know, no Sexis is coming!"
"They'll see our reunion! We'll know just what they'll do!"
"Their posts will fall quiet for a day or two"
"Then all the Sexis fans on SZ will all cry BOO-HOO!"

That's a sight," grinned the CFF's
"That we simply must see!"
So they clicked. And they opened the SoapZone MB
And they did see a post, rising replies on the site
It started out slow. Then it started to ignite

But the post wasn't sad!
Why, this post looked merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!

They clicked on the post!
The CFF's popped their eyes!
Then they shook!
What they saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Sexis fan on SoapZone, the tall and the small
Was joyful! Without any spoilers at all!
They HADN'T stopped Sexis from coming!
IT CAME!
Because it was right, it came just the same!

And the CFF's, with their mouths slack-jawed in awe,
Watched puzzling and wondering at the sights that they saw
It happened despite rumors! It happened despite spec!
It happened even with our well placed and untrue spoilerish dreck!
And they puzzled the hour, `till their puzzlers were sore.
Then the CFF's thought of something they hadn't before.
"Maybe Sexis," they thought "isn't such a bore"
"Maybe Sexis perhaps is a great deal much more!"

And what happened then?
Well on SoapZone they say
That the CFF's closed minds
Opened wide up that day!
And the minute their thoughts didn't seem quite so tight
The place was much nicer, it lost all its bite.
And they co-exist peacefully! And don't fight in the least!
And the CFF's....

THEY THEMSELVES!
Planned the Sexis wedding feast!

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