"I have a bone to pick with you."

"Good morning to you too, Alexis."

"Don't try to be nice to me."

"Is something wrong?"

"Yes, something is definitely wrong."

"You know that for some reason I've never been able to understand, I've grown to trust your opinion. Even value it at times."

"Well, that's because were friends."

"I'd use that term loosely with me right now if I were you."

"Okay, Alexis, we've been over this, and usually I'm really good at following you, but I'm gonna need more than this right now."

"YOUR SHEETS!"

"My sheets?"

"You and your black satin 'great for sex' sheets that you were somewhat insistent upon me trying, although not your specific sheets, because that would be in some sort of violation of...never mind, but your persistence on the wonder that is the satin sheet, and my subsequent promise that I would try them out. Well I'm here to tell you, that I think there's something wrong with you. Because I went out and actually bought a set of said sheets, and I can never go back to THAT linen store again, and I took them home and put them on my bed and I'm here to tell you."

"Alexis, breathe."

"I put your stupid sheets on my bed, and I couldn't sleep at all. They were too...too...."

"Slippery?"

"Slippery. Yes. I was sliding all over the place on them. And then they were sliding off the bed and I gotta tell you Sonny, that's not a good nights sleep to me. I mean, I work pretty hard, not just for you mind you, and I am a woman who needs sleep."

"What color are they?"

"Color?"

"The sheets."

"What does that matter?"

"I've been asking myself that about this whole conversation. What. Color. Are. They?"

"Navy blue."

"Oh see, there's your problem."

"You cannot be serious. Color has nothing to do with it."

"You're not a navy blue sheet type."

"Sheet type."

"You're more of a cool gray. Maybe even silver. Or a cool green."

"I don't even know how to respond to that."

"Are you even in this conversation?"

"I think I started it."

"You did."

"Okay. I didn't sleep well."

"Alright, I'm sorry about that."

"Okay."

"You know what?"

"What?"

"It could be something else too."

"Enlighten me."

"You're not using them right."

"How does one use sheets incorrectly?"

"Alone."

*finis*

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